what sort of traveller are you?

2 months and 8 days.  that's how long it has been since we set out on our big adventure.  2 months and 8 days of no work, no friends and family, no wardrobe, no home.  this time 2 years ago our holday was winding up and i was spending my last days lazing by the river in zurich and watching MTV, thankful to see something in english for the first time in 60 days.  this time though i don't know when my final days will be.  when i have to mentally prepare myself for the long trip home, the hugs from mum and dad, the settling back into a routine.  i though that this feeling would set me free.  but no.  what is going to happen in the coming months?  what is going to happen to me?  where am i going?  what am i doing?  i have no job.  i have no home.  i have no friends.  i'm freaking the shizz out.  

after 2 months and 8 days i have seen all sorts of travellers.  those here for 2 weeks, 3 months, 6 months.  and i feel judged by all of them.  the aussies seem to fit into 2 camps.  the super friendly loosey goosey types that have immersed themselves in a place and know the locals and where to go.  or the 'super aus' types.  they whirl through every place, 2 days at a time getting shitfaced and being as loud as possible.  i don't fit into either of these categories.  i'm trying to find a balance between my life at home and my life as a traveller.  everytime i sleep in, or spend the afternoon watching 30 rock in bed i feel that i'm 'not doing it right'.  shouldn't i be out there tramping the streets getting lost in hidden alleyways and coming home exhausted at night only to get ready to go out and meet people at a bar?  i feel guilty for doing things on a small scale and at a slow pace.  for having breakfast at 12, wandering for a couple of hours then reading my book in bed.  i just have no motivation to do any more.  when we got to rome we walked for 8 hours a day until we were knackered but now i am feeling so lost and unsettled that i don't want to do anything.  the thought of striking up a conversation with my revolving door of room mates gives me intense panic attacks.  why would they want to talk to me?  i'm boring.  all i do all day is watch tv and sleep.

i'm sure that every traveller hits this wall at some stage but i am growing increasingly worried that i won't snap out of it.  my prone to depression personality just isn't able to deal with these feelings so far from home.  i do have one beacon on the horizon though. istanbul.  i am going there on friday.  on my own.  for ten days.  this will be the make or break moment.  i will have to get out there and explore the exoticness and make friends or i will just throw away my biggest opportunity for growth so far.  after all that's what this adventure was all about.  nothing says out of your comfort zone like being in a completely crazy and foreign environment on your own like wandering the streets of turkey.  wish me luck.  at this point i need it.

what a whinger.  i have made friends. and had fun.  lara and lena, our lovely roomies on the melt! train.

changing plans shifting sands

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two best friends at open'er

so apparently being an aussie doesn't get you the free ride i'd been quite foolishly hoping it would.  some blah blah blah boresville bureaucratic rule means that for every 6 months that i spend over here, 3 of them have to be spent in a non schengen area.  basically that means that my plans to wander around czech, germany, belgium, france and all those other fun places have been put on hold.  a minor break down ensued once this fully sunk in as i imagined having to traipse through bulgaria on the back of a donkey for weeks on end but once i stopped being melodramatic and started being reasonable the prospect actually excited me.  essentially once i'm done with festival number three i'm going to toddle off to croatia, or possibly turkey, and have some fun in the sun.  because nicko has one of those worth their weight in gold little red passports i will most likely be doing this alone.  kind of scary but i'm a big girl and no time like the present to learn how to read a map and catch a train.  and make friends.  nah jokes!  as if that's going to happen.

the wombats were amazing.  i love them with all my heart.

we're currently in serbia on our way to festival number 2, exit.  festival number 1, open'er, was great times.  unlike any festival i had been to before the musics didn't start until around 7pm each night leaving the day to explore the town, sunbake, or in the case of friday when it pissed down rain for 24 hours, huddle in the tent reading my book.  any misgivings that i may have had about what i was doing following festivals around the continent were  swept away with the rain. oh man i love music.  a good gig really does have the ability to wipe all  my cares away and just make me happy to be alive.  it was two door cinema club on the first night that put the smile on the dial foals on the second that made me swoon and prince on the third that confirmed my belief in the power of a tune and a boogie.  that's baby making music that's what that is.  i wasn't actually all that fussed about seeing him but jesus has he still got it!  what a performer.  even nick got a little lump in the pants when he shimmied across the stage in all his gold sequins belting out purple rain.  now it's off to novi sad to have arcade fire fill my heart with gladness and take away all my sadness.  to quote rockin' rod stewart.

speaking of my little heart, waiting for me when i got back was an e-mail from NZ.  it had been 2 weeks since i'd heard from him and in typical girly style i had been fretting a wee bit.  unfortunately i have chosen to fall for the most reserved boy going around so after reading his sparse words several times and scanning for hidden clues as to his undying devotion to me i am still unsure of how he feels.  doesn't really bother me though because i'm smitten and will continue to act accordingly.  way too old to play games and not lay my feelings out on the line because i'm scared of being hurt.  you've got to be in it to win it i say.  even if nothing comes of it, meeting NZ has made me realise that i am actually ready to meet someone awesome that i can possibly fall in love with and have babies and a mortgage and all that boring grown up stuff.  obviously got to get all my adventuring out of the way first....